Musing with the Moon

  • May. 21st, 2014 at 4:51 AM
dreadthisday: (pic#7829421)
So, I proffer this update to you all. Things have been a bit well..weird as of late, at least around the house. Mom has been drifting in and out of depressive moods, beating me and my step-father about the head with the whiplash of these aforementioned moods. I am used to them, as they are not a new occurence, but they have increased in frequency and severity. I hear 2 different stories of what occurred when I inquire, and can only imagine the truth lie somewhere in the middle. However, it is frustrating to see two people who I know in the bottom of my heart be unable to comfort one another in their time of need due to whatever reservations are keeping them from each other at this time; the clockwork of this situation is something to which I have only theories, suspicions, and not hard answers. The most recent flare stemming from a camel-back trunk which belonged to my recently late grandmother. It began Sunday, when Gary called brother Steve (a congregant of my parents’, who often provides him with rides when mom doesn’t feel like going to church – usually due to physical pain) before asking if she would like to go to church as well. It’s usually a safe assumption that she does not want to go as of late, so I understand his thought process in proceeding as though she were not going, because it has been her MO as of late. Well, they both ended up going, and coming home together. But she told me that he had offered said trunk up to another congregant whose name I do not recall, without asking her permission, for offer at a garage sale to benefit the church. I didn’t inquire further Sunday evening, and went to bed shrugging it off. I woke up late Monday afternoon, around 4 PM. Gary and I had discussed the evening prior going to see the new Godzilla film, and assumed she would give us a ride. I awoke to find her in a right foul state, begrudgingly giving us cab fare so we could attend the film. She sent me some spiteful text messages, as she often does when she’s in this mood, telling me that if I do not seek employment then i will be kicked out, or have things taken away from me. This is a recurring theme when she gets in a mood like this, knowing full well that I am unable to because of the duties I must fulfill for them. I take this all in stride because I know all of this isn’t really her, it is her pain and hurt speaking untruths in the guise of her person. That’s why I don’t really give any of these outbursts any sense of umbrage, because I know they aren’t her true feelings. Also, I note that sometimes Gary presents signs of psychological regression, almost childlike behavior at times, things that I can only hold his disease and years of alcoholism responsible for, so I equally try and pay them no mind. I know this is probably ramble-y as hell to read, but I must write these things into hard account if only to acknowledge these thoughts, and to cope with them. Back to where we left off in our story though, we attended the film and had an enjoyable time, and it was substantially a good time and the first time since that we have really gotten to go out and do something just the two of us since he fell ill a few years ago. We arrived home and she was still sulking in her bedroom, lights out. She proceeded to send a few more nasty texts, but a couple hours after I was home asked me to retrieve a few things for her in a civil manner. One of the things she was begrudging me in her earlier messages was my sleeping in – I can only guess because she wanted to go visit Donna (a family friend, who was a mutual friend of my grandmother’s and that’s how we were introduced to her was through my grandma, and she had recently had a stroke), and I had tried to accommodate this request before but she said she did not want to go. Damned if I do, Damned if I don’t. Anyways the point was I took the hint from that little cue, popped a couple of Tylenol PM and promptly turned in earlier than I had done the previous week. I awoke and mom was her normal self, much to my relief. Today was a good day, and I must paint this post with that fact - because to do so without including the fact that we have great days too would be dishonest. I woke up around 10, did my daily quests in hearthstone, and after went looking for her. I checked their bedroom at first but Gary told me she was outside. I helped her do a few chores in the garden that she asked me too, and then told me we were going to visit Donna at 3. And we did just that. First stopping at Casey’s for requisite supplies (a cold beverage and some cigarettes for us all). Our visit with Donna went well. She is walking, talking, and doing all of the things she did pre-stroke. So it was good to see her doing so well after being so worried about her. I know it freaked mom out a hell of a lot after losing grandma so recently. We then stopped at mcdonald’s for supper on the way home, which was delicious [I’m a total sucker for their french fries]. I helped her water the plants a little while after dinner, and then I talked to a couple of friends - one on facebook and another on the phone before joining raid. Raid went well for what it was, personally improving on raid awareness and mechanics though my DPS numbers are lacking for some reason. It’s either a trinket i’m missing off of a specific boss (Thok, it’s best in slot for me), or my recent move to gem/reforge to critical strike instead of mastery is sinking my bottom line on damage output, I will have to play around to test some theories on this. But overall we did better on mechanics on heroic immerseus and that’s what really matters because DPS means shit if you can’t stay alive long enough to hit the boss. After raid I played hearthstone again with Peanut and Ang (short for angelus - a nickname for a dear friend who is a big fan of buffy as are most of my friends), and then after they went to bed I played guitar for a bit before pouring a drink and firing up the first episode of NBC’s Dracula which i’ve been wanting to watch for a little bit now, and finally go taround to doing so. 2 Episodes in and i’m enjoying it for what it is and the actors within the series. Before I part this evening I must apologize again for my lack of updates, not only on this blog but my main one as well - I just have not taken the time to put things in my queue for some reason, but I still glance at tumblr every day so feel free to send me an ask whenever if you want to get my attention. I was kind of not feeling like doing much for a while a week or so ago - due to my left ear becoming blocked after a misguided q-tip found it’s way into my inner ear canal, frustratingly temporarily deafening my left ear. I wouldn’t mind it so much if music were mixed in a different manner than it is, but as such when you are deaf in one ear temporarily, permanent, or in some other fashion such as malfunctioning audio equipment in which only one channel works, you can only hear one channel of the multi-layered aural works that you are trying to digest. It is a most frustrating quest in a world of monster riffs and bellowed verses that one can only half-heartedly enjoy. So I pretty much buried myself in re-watching Smallville, and re-formatting my computer and organizing my external hard drive. A digital spring cleaning if you may. Well, I think I have scrawled enough in this digital verbal vomitorium of a blog for one evening.

-I bid adieu for the moment,

Kenny


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